Am I sick? Stuck? or just plain stressed out?

It has been a while since I posted here..a LOOONG while. I am still half way there.

My summer has been filled with stress. While I know, that it would not have felt so stressful had I continued to make exersize a priority...that is just not what happened. I haven't seen the gym for a while. I did however, discover Zumba - AND that I like working out with friends. Exersize does not need to be a solitary, meditative practice.

I did find time to visit the Doctor this summer. Which has probably added to my stress. Yup...they found a little delay in one of the electrical impulses in my heart .....no that's not stressful. Recommended a sleep study...I am not sure why, other than the electrical thingy....I have panic attacks while falling asleep - but I don't wake up once I am in REM.

Then there is the high 'bad cholesterol'...um yeah did I mention the stress? A friend recommended ground flax seed as she has been successful in reducing her cholesterol by using it. I had 2 table spoons in my yogurt today. Once I was past the weird smell when I opened the container -it wasn't bad. Couldn't smell it over the peaches and it just added a little crunch to the bowl.

I had a stress test, last week ...the cute guy running the test looked at my EKG wierd...said it looks like there may have been a small MI...but I am too young....really - OK - let;s have a little more stress....and what about the weird dip when I have the anxiety...well he didn't know that either...it wasn't a skipped beat.

Great so Tuesday AM I get all my results.....makes me with I had taken up running...then I could run far far away from it all.

Half way there - trying to avoid self sabotage

Yup - that's right - I have lost 25 pounds. woo hoo yeah me!

The oddest thing happened when I reached this milestone...I started thinking that the next 25 is possible - then I had an anxiety attack. Since then I have slowly sabotaged myself by having just enough self control to maintain what I have loss, but not push it any further.

What is causing my fear? Am I afraid of who I will be should I reach my goal? Am I afraid of the expectations of others? Am I afraid that if I accomplish this goal, I will then have to reach others?

What would happen if I started setting goals and achieving them!?!?!

Self Discipline Needed

Up until this weekend I have done really well - hitting the gym 5 days a week - not leaving until I burn 400 calories.

I am afraid this weekend that I completely undid all the work I have done. I was at a convention. There was so much food, and for some reason I kept cleaning my plate. I was exhausted and never went looking for the fitness room, even though I took my workout gear with me.

The weekend included a lot of networking, that I am really to shy to do properly. I had to speak in public on a panel with people I highly respect and are somewhat in awe of. All self control went out the window. I let the stress and uncomfortable feelings overwhelm me.

Now I am home. Feeling squishy and watching The Biggest Loser from a chair instead of a treadmill like I usually do.

Who knew that confidence had so much to do with taking that step to get healthy.

Chick needs to eat more Chicken

Two weeks since my last blog post. It just doesn't seem interesting for me to write about heading to gym and trying to watch what I eat.

The hardest part about watching food intake is that I do not eat all the time - I probably eat too little. From what I have read we need to eat low-cal things all day long...I prefer a high cal meal and a low cal meal.

I cannot live on skinless boneless chicken breast and salad! Who wants to live thin if it means eating dry tasteless food. If you have anyway to cook a chicken breast so that it does not taste like the same chicken breast you had the night before - I would love to hear the recipe.

Biggest Loser

Holy Cow! - All I can say is these people are incredibly courageous. For those women to stand there in bike shorts and sports bras to be weighed publicly...I can't even begin to imagine doing something like that. I wear a baggy t-shirt and worm up pants to the gym...as brave as I get is changing in the locker room.

I haven't been on the scale for a while - I will check it out in the morning...but the progress I have seen is in my heart rate - I no longer go crazy high. So big yeah! I am not only doing this to fit into smaller jeans. I am also doing it because my Dad died at 52 of a heart attack and my Mom is fighting developing full blow diabetes. I want to be around many years like my 90 year old Grandmother who likes to help the "old" people at the local retirement home.

oh yeah, I ate a cupcake today...it was coconut and awesome. it accompanied a roast beef sandwich for my lunch and a bowl of Special K for dinner...so I'm not complaining.

I like to Move it Move it

After 4 days away from the gym, I was back at it today. I felt quite smug when I walked in and saw the place filled with people trying to maintain their New Year's resolutions....knowing that mine was not such a trivial membership, after all I have ad mine 2 whole weeks longer than they have....now if they would just get off the damn machines so I can listen to my music.

I have put together playlists designed to keep me moving on the elliptical and treadmill. Probably pretty generic for a child of the 80's.

Part of my workout playlist is below:

Can't help but move to:

Bruce Springsteen - Pink Cadillac
Lynyrd Skynyrd - Sweet Home Alabama
Def Leppard - Pour Some Sugar on Me
The Knack - My Sharona

For obvious reasons:

Poison - Unskinny Bop
Queen - Fat Bottom Girls
ZZ Top - Legs


What's playing in your ears on the treadmill?